Butterface

The girls and I were at Tabu nightclub in San Francisco to celebrate a friend's birthday. It was a typical birthday celebration at a club: VIP table with several new faces. The first thing I noticed was a vest, and vests on a guy are risky. Regardless, whomever this guy was pulled it off very well. He was looking sharp! Everyone was introduced to everyone, and everyone took shot after shot in honor of the birthday girl.

A familiar song came on, and you can guess the stereotypical reaction of girls. Yes, jumping up and down, screaming "Oh my God!! It's OUR songgggg!!!" We maneuvered our girl army to the dance floor. The vest guy from the VIP area started dancing with me, and he was getting awfully close. This point of the night I had probably 5 or 6 shots of Hennessy. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but the vest guy and I were chatting for some time. Our conversation was the usual step one convo:

1) Where are you from?
2) Who are you here with?
3) What do you do?

So I found out a little bit about him. He's from Daly City, he's there with his friend who brought him to Tabu for my girl friend's birthday. He's an engineering student that lives at home because he takes care of his mom. I stroked his ego by telling him he's a good man for taking care of his mother. That apparently was an invitation into my mouth because for the remainder of the night, he could not stop kissing me. Yes, I know... POOR judgment on my part, but after what I had been through in the last year (a completely different story that will eventually be another entry), drinking and getting wasted became my favorite past-time. Several familiar faces were at Tabu that night, but I didn't care. I was amidst my "good badness" (a term us girls use to describe what flirting at a club can lead to as it involves lots and lots of alcohol). Later in the evening, as I began to sober up, I realized what a fool I was! Anyway, what's done was done, and the night was over.

Very early the next day, I received a message on Facebook from the vest guy. His name is Sean. he found me through our mutual friends. He sent me a message that said that he had a wonderful time last night, couldn't stop thinking about me and the night, and that he's sorry he didn't get my phone number. In the message, he left me his phone number. Based on his profile picture (since I cannot clearly remember his face as a result of the massive amount of alcohol I consumed), I replied back and gave him my number. We were in the text message limbo for a couple days, and on Monday, he was studying for finals in San Jose. He gave me a phone call, and we started chatting. The conversation started to get lengthy, so I asked if we can save the rest of it over coffee or lunch or dinner. It was last minute, but we agreed to have dinner that evening since neither of us had eaten yet.

Dinner was a blast! He was a wonderful companion during dinner. I thought we were going to have a short meal, but we ended up closing the restaurant because our conversations never ended. We realized how we're such nice people, but we had so many bad things that happen to us.... probably because we're TOO NICE. At the end of dinner, I could tell that he and I were going to be great friends.

He went home and gave me a call. We ended up spending another 3 hours on the phone. The same the next night... and the next night! Some feelings were beginning to surface from all these conversations, but I wasn't sure how I felt. I was at the point in my life where staying single was healthy. After all, I had been in and out of relationships non-stop for the past 8 years. However, I had to try. I didn't want to be completely closed off because I could potentially be missing out on something great! So I decided to be brave and give this guy a chance.

Sean and I had a study date. I was studying for a certification exam, and he was studying for finals. The man can dress, and I have a weakness for defined arms. On this outing, he was wearing one of those thermal-looking fitted, long-sleeved shirts that showed off his arms. Sean's a pretty slender guy, but this shirt accentuated his biceps. *DROOL* This outing was fun and productive, and he had asked me out to dinner on Saturday evening. Great, an official date. I'm typically not a fan of dates because there's so much pressure! I had always been myself on "dates," but my usual concern was that the other person would put up a front to impress me.

Saturday night came, and Sean drove from Daly City to pick me up in San Jose. I answered the door, and there he stood with a dozen roses. I was absolutely flattered! I don't care what anyone says, chivalry is NOT dead! Sean took me to dinner at a Shabu Shabu (Japanese hotpot) restaurant in San Mateo. Afterwards, we were supposed to go on a Bay cruise, but it was a cold night, so his plan for after-dinner fell through. Our Plan B was to go to a party where our friends were so we went to a house party in San Francisco.

I was smitten. I had not received that much attention in months! Everytime I looked at the roses I would look back at the evening. I was smitten but scared. However, I couldn't figure out why I was scared. I figured that the late night phone calls were nice. The "getting-to-know each other" phase was nice. Having someone care about me like that was nice. But there was something off-- I just couldn't put my finger on it.

I would surf Facebook and see his pictures on his profile. Other than his actual profile picture, he's not an attractive guy. I questioned my opinion because this guy took 2 years off from school to model in Europe. Nevertheless, I did not find him very photogenic. I started to realize that the certain "something" that was off was my lack of attraction for him! I felt terrible because that was so shallow of me-- he's such a nice, good person!

The day of my exam, he drove from Daly City to San Jose to pick me up, and then drove me to San Francisco to take me to my exam (an hour each way). I passed the exam that day, and he took me to a very nice celebratory lunch. I couldn't help but feel like I was being unfair, so on the ride home, as we were in traffic, I spoke my peace. I told him that it's not fair to him to keep dating me because I don't want to date anyone at this point in my life. I told him that I felt lost, and that the only people that I feel confident with are my girl friends. I asked him once before, during one of our late night phone calls, that if we didn't make it dating, could we still be friends? He said yes then, and as we were chatting in the car, he kept his word. He also asked me how long I needed. I told him I needed to feel happy with myself, and I don't know how long that will take. He seemed to understand, and I was thankful that he was such a nice, respectful person.

That Saturday, my girlfriends and I had our holiday dinner in San Francisco. Afterwards, we went to a familiar spot, Suede nightclub. As we waited to get in, we saw Sean waiting in line. Some of the girls panicked and immediately came up to me and asked me if I wanted to stay because Sean was there. I assured the girls that I would be ok since Sean and I were friends, BUT I asked the girls to keep an eye out for me because I do not want to make out with Sean. (Alcohol hinders my better judgement, so I needed back up.) Sean came up to me to say hello, but the girls pulled me away.

Throughout the night, every time Sean came near me, the girls pulled me away. At one point in the night, the girls and I were dancing together, and this annoying, fobby, pipsqueak kept bugging us. A few of us had told him to stop and go away, but he kept trying. After a few tries, it just got obnoxious, so I pushed and shoved him away and told him to leave us alone. He tried one more time, but Sean pulled me away. The girls saw, and one of my girl friends pulled me away from Sean and kicked him in the shin. Another girl began the girl army train and pulled us all out of Suede to go to another club.

The next morning, I flew to San Diego to attend my best friend's wedding. I felt terrible about that incident, so I thought I would call Sean and apologize. He was very understanding about it. He understood that my girls were just trying to protect me, and they were looking out for my best interest. I couldn't help but think how this guy was such a sweetheart! How could I not be interested in someone so understanding and sweet?! I spent New Years Eve down in San Diego, and I flew home on New Years Day. My flight changed a couple times, but Sean still offered to pick me up from the airport. He was trying to be a good friend. At this point, I felt on the fence because I knew my gut was telling me to be platonic, but there was a part of me that wanted to give him another chance.

After that night, I fell really sick and was out of commission for a week. At the end of the week, Sean asked me to dinner and a movie on Friday night. I thought it was harmless, so I agreed. In fact, his birthday was coming up, and since he had given me a lavish Christmas present, I wanted to return the favor, and I got him a Micheal Kors watch for his birthday. I gave him the gift at the beginning of the night, but he didn't open it in front of me. Dinner was fun, but he crossed the "friend line" a couple times. He reached for my hand in the car and even leaned in for a kiss. I pushed him back and said, "You know, you're making this friend thing difficult." He said, "I can't help it. If I'm going to hang out with you, I'm going to want to kiss you." My response to that: none.

Instead of a movie, we went to Santana Row for drinks. Normally, my tolerance is through the roof. I can finish 2 bottles of Hennessy with 4 of my girl friends in one night. On this night, I had 2 glasses of wine at dinner, 2 lychee martinis at Santana Row, 1 shot of Grey Goose, and 1 fruitie tootie drink. Mind you, this is in the span of 6 or 7 hours. I blacked out and woke up in the car, in the Santana Row parking garage at 5am! It was definitely an off night for me. I don't remember walking to the car. I don't remember sitting in the car. I don't remember passing out in the car. Everything I was wearing was still in tact, so I assumed nothing had happened that night (THANK GOD!).

As I was getting ready for the day, I noticed some markings on my neck. Ok, what the hell!? There were hater marks on my neck from the previous night! I was furious! Not only do I not remember any of that happening, but Sean knew my standpoint about public displays of affection. On top of that, I have a very strong personality, and there's no way in hell that I tolerate marking territory on one's body. Earlier that week, I had asked Sean to accompany me to a good friend's birthday. I kept that appointment (yes, I'm saying appointment and not "date."), but I was not a happy camper. I kept to myself most of the car ride to San Francisco. He asked if anything was wrong, and I mentioned it to him. He seemed to feel terrible, but I think that he was secretly happy at what he accomplished.

During my friend's birthday dinner, we were asked how long we had been dating. Umm, AWKWARD turtle! I looked at my other girls who knew of my situation with Sean, and they gave me an "oh boy.. you're on your own with that question, Jo" look. So to save anyone from embarrassment, I fibbed and said that Sean and I have been dating for about a month. Now that I look back at that moment, I should've said that Sean and I were friends and not dating because that comment from me opened a door for Sean. For the remainder of the night, he kept making it seem like we were a couple, and I tried my hardest to stay away from that. I tried to be the night's paparazzi, and I tried to focus my pictures on the rest of the group. Since he needed to update his pictures on Facebook, we took a couple pictures together. At the end of the night, I ended up driving his car home because homeboy was too wasted. When we arrived at my house, I couldn't let him drive back home in his condition, so I asked him to stay. Instead of sleeping in my room, I had him sleep on my couch. Just to be hospitable, I slept downstairs on the other couch. I had not realized that after midnight, it was officially Sean's birthday, and I didn't greet him a happy birthday. He left the next morning with a bit of a heavy heart, or so it seemed. Later that afternoon, I realized that it was his birthday, so I sent him a birthday greeting via text message and Facebook. He never thanked me for the birthday present, but he did say, "Thank you for everything."

Over the next few days, I kept my distance. I was still upset about the hater mark incident from that Friday night. The more I thought about it, the more angry I became. I can't remember the last time I was THIS turned off. On Monday, I was looking through my camera, and every time I came across a picture of Sean, I cringed. He's not that bad looking in person, but he's not very photogenic! It's a head-scratcher because he was a model-- in Europe of all places! I'd scroll through my camera and every time his picture came up, I had to pull the camera away from me and think "Oh man, too close! Too close!"

I was telling my roommate how I felt, and she said she understood where I was coming from. First of all, he has a bald head, but his head was shaped weird. When one has a funny shaped head, one should have hair to even it out. Second, he has this creepy look in his eyes, almost like a pedofile. Third, he hissed! When I say I want a man, I want a MAN! Not a fem-boy! Despite all that, he did dress very well. I was diggin' the metrosexual in him. So one night, my roommate enlightened me and said, "He's the male equivalent of a male butterface."

DING DING DING! That was it! My physical attraction to the guy was exactly what was missing, and his lack of respect and crossing the friend boundary with hater marks while I was completely incoherent pushed me over the edge.

He eventually sought me out on Facebook to talk to me, but I kept my conversation short. I asked him not to speak to me since I was enraged by his complete lack of respect for what I wanted and for me. So much for mister nice guy... he's butterface now. And the chapter on butterface is closed.